In a world where bullying is too often met with silence or confusion, Bullies to Buddies offers something radically different: a path to peace rooted in ancient wisdom.
Izzy Kalman’s Bullies to Buddies: A Torah Guide for Turning Your Enemies into Friends is more than just another anti-bullying book. It is a practical, soul-centered guide designed specifically for Jewish children navigating the painful terrain of cruelty, ridicule, and exclusion—even within religious school environments where kindness should be a foundational value. What makes this book so powerful is that it doesn’t try to fix the bully—it empowers the child being targeted to change the dynamic altogether.
At the heart of the book lies the Torah’s timeless commandment: ve’ahavta lere’acha kamocha—love your neighbor as yourself. This isn’t just a moral aspiration; it’s a tool, a strategy, and a shield. Kalman shows how this principle can be used not only to foster peace but to disarm cruelty at its core.
A Safe Space That Feels Unsafe
Kalman begins by asking a heartbreaking but necessary question: how can children in Torah-centered schools—who are being taught about love, empathy, and mitzvot every day—still act like bullies?
The answer, he suggests, lies not in a failure of faith but in a lack of practical training in emotional intelligence and social dynamics. This book fills that gap, offering children a deeper understanding of their classmates’ behavior and, just as importantly, of their responses to cruelty.
For any child who has felt mocked, excluded, or helpless, Bullies to Buddies offers clarity where there was confusion—and agency where there was only despair.
From Victim to Victor—Without Revenge
One of the most profound shifts this book invites is in the role children play in their own story. Rather than waiting for teachers or parents to fix the problem—or worse, retaliating—Kalman teaches that the true key to freedom lies in not playing the game at all.
By refusing to react with anger, sadness, or desperation, and instead responding with calm, confidence, and even kindness, the “victim” of bullying can completely neutralize the bully’s power. It sounds radical. But with Kalman’s step-by-step guidance, children can experience how this approach works in real life.
Torah Psychology Meets Real-World Strategy
Kalman seamlessly blends Torah principles with real-world behavioral science. He introduces the concept of nefesh habehamis—the animal soul that drives impulsive, often selfish behavior. When children understand that their tormentors are often acting from a place of inner struggle, their mindset begins to shift.
Suddenly, the enemy becomes less threatening. The attacks lose their sting. And the child realizes that strength isn’t about fighting back—it’s about rising above.
Empowering the Quiet Heroes
What sets this book apart is its message that true strength isn’t loud. It’s not in fists or insults or dramatic confrontations. It’s in quiet resolve, self-control, and deep-rooted Torah values. Kalman doesn’t just want children to survive bullying—he wants them to emerge wiser, stronger, and even more compassionate.
Bullies to Buddies invites young readers to imagine a world where they don’t just hope for peace—they create it. And that’s a vision we could all use more of.
A Must-Read for Every Jewish Household and School
Whether you’re a parent, educator, or school administrator, this book offers an invaluable framework for dealing with one of the most painful parts of childhood. It doesn’t point fingers. It doesn’t assign blame. It builds bridges.
And for the children caught in the middle of social cruelty, those bridges could make all the difference.
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